Hudi's Home!

You can't kill me, everyone; I have a child to care for. No, not for babysitting. No, not my toy dolls (I told you not to tell everyone about that). It's my real-life child. She's real. If you don't believe me...you're smart. But I'm not even lying this time. I'm telling the truth.  Pretty much, I have to an issue an apology to all (read: maybe one) of my fans that I have not written this blog in some time (read: like seven years), but I have good reasons. Let's go through them:  1) I was sick for like 3 months, because of the aforementioned child that is mine.  2) I didn't wanna 3) I left the school-that-must-not-be-named and so I was no longer crazy stressed and didn't need this blog to be my stress-relief, and I didn't have heresy classes to write it in anymore 4) I had really bad writer's block 5) I am no longer funny or weird because I have to be an adult, as there is an actual child in my house now.  6) I forgot I think those reaso...

There was a serial killer reading a magazine story while eating cornflakes-- he's a serial reading a serial eating cereal. As Faeven put it, he's like a serial cannibalist (I think she meant cannibal).  Speaking of Faeven, she and I went out today to our favorite falafel place, which is really just a yeshiva bachur hangout. She and I had such a good time, hocking it up. And then Mikvah-Jumper Avigayil came along (well, really she was walking peacefully along on her way when Faeven ran out and made her come talk to us), and we all laughed and talked about ridiculous things. And then Faeven and I walked around this store with everything, and I mean everything. You want a boogie board? Neon swim trunks? A tube? Mini spoons? A three-in-one ice scream mixer, slicer, and juicer? And we acted ridiculous the whole time, like if the CH saw me there, he'd probably pretend not to know me. Did I say probably? I meant definitely.  Anywho, did you know that Tzivie is an engaged wo...

What's black and white and red all over? A yeshiva bachur on his first date. Don't ask me why that came out of my brain. I have no answer for you.  So, this week has been seven days. And that's all I can say about it, because I can't really remember what happened. I mean, I can recall certain things, but that's about it. EOOPS, you see. (The "e" is silent.) So let's begin from last week, where we left off after Shana Rishona's wedding. Naturally, after the wedding comes the sheva brachos. So, I went to one of her sheva brachos, the one in Bayit Vegan, home of all the Frenchies.  It was such a beautiful simcha, and the food was insane. The speeches were hilarious and so perfect for Shana Rishona. And it was so nice to see her all married and stuff.  At the sheva brachos, I asked one of the host's daughters for a beige dress. No, I didn't know this daughter. Never met her before in my life, actually. But I needed a dress for She-She's wed...

Breaking news: Girl breaks into the Mir Beis Midrash at night.  How do I know about this? I was that girl. Yes, I forgot to tell you, dear readers, that the crazy author of this blog stole into the Mir Beis Midrash in the middle of the night (okay, it was like 8:00 pm, whatever. Semantics).  It was empty, of course, but I still felt like I was doing something very wrong, which I probably was, now that I think about it. But now that I'm married, who even cares? Speaking of marriage, the CH and I have been having a lot of fun recently playing some games. We played charades and 20 questions. I won always, obviously. Because here are the rules for playing games with the CH.  Rule #1: Hudicus must win, always.  Rule #2: The CH must lose, always.  Rule #3: If the CH happens to win, then the game was rigged, or he cheated. (Don't ask how you can cheat in charades or 20 questions. These are better things left unasked.) The end. Also, one time the CH asked, "What play ar...

Alrighty, everyone. It has happened. I have finally turned the CH into a true HudiintheHolyLand fan. This is how it went: I said, "I think we should go write my blog together right now," and you should have seen how he jumped up and ran to get my computer. He was so excited. It was maybe the single most exciting moment in my life. It's official. The CH loves my blog.  Besides for that very exhilarating change, much else has happened this week. I mean, I'm sure many things have happened. I just can't remember most of them. EOOPS, you see. I do remember a very fun event that happened last week: My undad had his 26th birthday!! So I dragged the CH to Beit Shemesh for a surprise part organized by my unmom. It was so many muches of fun.  There was cake and some alcohol. Oh, everyone was so mean to me. They told me that this type of alcohol was honey and it was sweet and they promised me I would like it. Guess what? I don't think my throat will ever be the same. Alc...

Lesson for life: do not--I repeat--do not go shopping in Osher Ad right before Pesach. Because you are not supposed to rely on miracles. And if you get out alive, without a scratch, with all of your groceries  intact, within three hours, it's a miracle.  Anywho, let's talk about that holiday of freedom, where the matzois are more abundant than the air that you breathe and the maror is supposed to be bitter, but not really 'cause it's just lettuce, and lettuce ain't yummy but it ain't bitter either. Oh well, I'm not complaining. Thank you, Rabbanim, for watching out for my poor taste buds.  So, first day(s) (I still sometimes forget that I'm a shtickle Israeli and only have one day of Yom Tov), the CH and I were in Ramois, along with the Arbachs (that is for sure not how you spell it, but it's not like they're ever gonna read this brain-cell losing piece of literature that I call my blog). The seder was hilarious. There were like three different s...

I sat in a fridge yesterday, like actually sat in the fridge. Being short is good for some things, I guess, like cleaning out a fridge for Pesach. No, it was not my fridge, because even I, the shortiest of the shorts (that sounds off), could not sit in my fridge. And that's because it is small. Wow, that was highly intelligence.  Anywho, moving on from me having a chill (ha, pun intended) in the fridge, last week was Rosh Chodesh. So, the CH (that's Chushoova Hoosband for all you peeps who have OPS--that's Old People Syndrome for all of you who have YAS--that's Young and Stupid for all of you have EOOPS--remember, the 'e' is silent) made shnitzel in honor of the new month. And it came out so good. You know what that means? I ain't making shnitzel ever again. He he.  Shabbos was spent in the Old City with my sister and brother-in-law. We had such a grand time, missing the last train and walking all the way to the Old City. It's such a great walk, though. ...

Well, hello there peeps who don't mind losing some brain cells today.  So, it's been a very long time since I wrote my last blog. Obviously, it's because I got married. Yes, we have to do that sometimes in life. So, in case any of you are worried about my blog being normal now that I'm married, have no fear. In fact, my husband  decided he won't even read my blog because he doesn't want his brain to melt. Well, in fact, I don't think it matters in any case. He's going to be as nuts as he can being married to me.  Anywho, I'm not even sure where to begin. So many muches of exciting thingy wingies have happened in the past month and a half. I don't even remember what happened yesterday, so it's kind of a lost cause to recall everything that happened last month. But do know this: I still have mono.  I think we should begin with some hilarious Strange Snippets:  From my darling sister, Netama: "She was dating a really rich guy who was dead....

  'Tis been too long since I last spoketh to my loyal minions. And there is much to say. Shall we begin with the strange snippets? I think we shall.  "I think my hair likes it when I shower it." Yes, my hair, too, has feelings and likes and dislikes. Doesn't yours? "It is intuitive once I explain it." I don't know if she knows what intuitive means...It happens to be the situation was Faeven teaching us an entire subject the night before the final, and it had been a very long week, and no one was really interested in studying any longer, but we'd only just started that day, so we had no excuse, and it wasn't very pleasant, to say the least.  Also from Faeven: "It looks like they gained an elephant in water weight." I don't remember the context, but then again, I don't think I want to.  Then there was my undad, who in response to a very unfortunate and weird picture of me, piped up, "Can you see the neutrons in my nose?"...

Hello it’s not Hudi!! I’m writing this blog for Hudi as she sits at my table, groaning and whining about the fact that she has a blog to write and doesn’t want to because she’s got too much going on in her life. You may ask, and you would only ask if you have never read any one of her blogs before, why she has a lot going on. I may answer, or I may not, what she has going on. Well for one thing, it involves some thing that flies in the air and carries her to a place over a large body of water where someone will be waiting for her to walk down the aisle wearing white. If you guessed a cloud, you must be Hudi. “I am” Hudi said Hudi sitting at my table munching nervously on a cracker. That’s when she laughs at me when I’m writing, and makes fun of me and tries to come up with the right word going through 1000 synonyms for many different words and I waste time listening to her giggling in the background, you may ask what else she has going on? But, and it’s kind of hard to hear when you ha...

How do you know if you're a lefty or a righty when it comes to archery? An experienced archer once said that you know based on what hand you pick your nose with. Tzvi, my esteemed bro-in-law, said with a tsk tsk, "It's nasal discrimination." Yes, my sister--that's the Kallah Hakedoisha, let me remind you--and her hubby are in the Holy Land. And it's been just one fabulous moment after another, chock full of laughter and hugs and nonstop chatter and all good things.  Let's jump right into it with Shabbos. Wow, Shabbos was insane. I went to the Steinsy's on Thursday night to welcome Malta and Tzvi, so my unparents and I were hanging out, enjoying life and the peace and quiet that was soon to be shattered with the most lovely arrival of my sister and husband.  They knocked on the door. I screamed, Mrs. Stein screamed, Mr. Stein did not scream, we opened the door, and there were hugs all around and lots of jumping up and down like hyper kangaroos.  We pick...

It's Shloims' fault that I'm writing this now and not paying attention in my faskinating class. I come into class this morning, all innocent-like, and she says, "Um, you didn't write your blog post this week." And I'm like, "It's only Monday, dude. The week started yesterday." And she responds, "It's been eight days since you've last written. And you missed last week." And I'm all offended and wounded to the depths of my soul, and she's laughing like she hasn't just ruined my life, and I sit down on my chair and cry hysterically, and the whole class turns to stare at me, and it was all very uncomfortable and awkward for everyone involved.  So, I might have slightly exaggerated the above story, but Shloims did tell me that I didn't write a blog post this week, and since I'm a good little girl, I listen to my friends. And I don't listen to my classes. So, here I am.  Get ready for this one. First, we ha...

Wow. I haven't missed a week's blog post in quite some time. That should just tell all y'all that I no longer like you. JK. It just means that I have no time to write, or do anything at all in this entire universe except for schoolwork.  But today, we must celebrate, actually. It's quite a great day today. My friend and I finished a crazy hard project that we'd been working on for a very long time last night...at 4 am. We are very excited and happy, and ready to begin doing all the other work that we've been neglecting these past weeks. But first, I will enjoy my newfound freedom.  Let me begin from last week's Shabbos, spent in Nevey Yaaqov with three friends. We ate two of the meals at our host family, the saintly Gruns, I will call them. They are very kind souls who host my friends and me many times, even though they have three kids, one of whom happens to be a therapy baby. For the other meal, Mikvah-Jumper Avigayil and I went to a very cute family. They...

Wow, the week does fly by. Last week, I was sitting pretty and enjoying break from the dreaded school, eating some pretzel-sfinge and donuts and lighting candles, listening to the 20 different tunes for the same few words of Al Hanisim.  And this week, I'm sitting ugly and hating the lack of break from the dreaded school, eating vegetables and fruits and gross healthy things, listening to recordings of all the classes I missed and skipped.  The rest of Chanukah was lovely, bH. For Shabbos, I went to Benay Beraq to my wonderful cousins, and it was so nice. The kids liked me for once, and we read all of their English books multiple times, and I held the little baby for many hours.  The food was delicious, my Hebrew was less than perfect, and I learned many new words. Do I remember any of them? Not a single one. One day, I'll know Hebrew. One day... In other news, my friend NS got engaged! It's the bestest news ever. We're all very excited (pronounced exited, obviously) fo...

It rained yesterday. It's a good thing we have little homes for our menorahs, 'cause otherwise it would all be very awkward.  Indeed, the Holiday of Lights has been anything but awkward. It has been beautiful, inspiring, fun, fattening (okay, I only ate like five donuts...every day of Chanukah...hey, they're yummy...don't look at me with that tone of voice), and just all around awesome socks. We have class over zoom, so naturally I don't go to any of them. Because that would be way too responsible of me. And super nerdy, to boot.  Before Chanukah was upon us, there were the dreaded midterms, one on Wednesday, one on Thursday, and one on Friday. Who knows how I did? All I know is that I have gotten so good at making up things that sound intelligent but make no sense to anyone who knows the slightest thing about math or computers (or really to anyone who has any brain).  On Thursday night, I went to a wedding of a girl I had met literally two weeks before. She's f...

Did you know that there are an infinite amount of infinities? Do you not feel like your life is more complete now that you know that very pertinent and relevant piece of information?  In one of our math classes (discreet math), we are learning about the secrets of cardinality and infinity and infinite infinites and finite infinites and all that good stuff that makes one's head spin and long for those days when infinity was something that just existed in a childlike view of the world and was just a very big number that didn't end and wasn't tried to be understood and dealt with.  It happens to be that it's all very cool, and during class, we're all jumping out of our seats in excitement every time we see a new proof or theorem. We are all nerds.  After that intro, let's go on to Shabbos. I was at the Shpiegel's! It had been too long since I'd been there, so I'm glad they hadn't forgotten me.  Faeven, Shana Aleph, and I had a grand time there at th...

Let us begin with a joke:  Knock knock Who's there? To To Who? To Whommmmmm Now, I chose to start of the with the nerdiest joke in the entire world because someone mentioned in passing that last week's blog was more "serious" than usual. I put the word in quotation marks because it can't be that my blog was serious; it's simply not in its genes. But this is what I was told, and now my job for this week is to put to rest any doubts that anyone has that my blog is a serious piece of literature.  So, let us commence with the craziness: Shabbos with the Steinsies was an lovely and fun experience, as it always is. The only problem is that so many of the fun things are said and discussed and done on Shabbos, when I can't document them for all posterity. Just know that my seal laugh came out many times Friday night.  We did some Parsha questions, where we learned that the stones around Yaakov's head could have been crembo, and there was something about a pizz...

I'm drawing a serious blank. I know that this past week happened, but I don't know what happened this past week.  Let me think, let me think. I know that's kind of a dangerous pastime for me, but desperate times call for desperate measures.  Oh, on Thursday, I went with Devorah S. (truly a malach) to Ramois Bet to get sheitels! Isn't that crazy? I would post a picture here, but I think I'm making ridiculous and/or pained and/or tortured faces in every picture. I'm being only slightly dramatic; it actually wasn't so bad, and I ended up getting two sheitels. Look at me, all grown up and...and saving China.  What else, what else? Oh! I remember Shabbos. I was in Har Nof for a bar mitzvah. The Lessins (a famed Richmond family) were making a bar mitzvah for their oldest son, and they invited me, which was super sweet.  I stayed by my friend's apartment, and I ate the meals with the family. It was such a beautiful simcha. Was super social, hocked it up with ...