Serial Cannibalist

There was a serial killer reading a magazine story while eating cornflakes-- he's a serial reading a serial eating cereal. As Faeven put it, he's like a serial cannibalist (I think she meant cannibal). 

Speaking of Faeven, she and I went out today to our favorite falafel place, which is really just a yeshiva bachur hangout. She and I had such a good time, hocking it up. And then Mikvah-Jumper Avigayil came along (well, really she was walking peacefully along on her way when Faeven ran out and made her come talk to us), and we all laughed and talked about ridiculous things. And then Faeven and I walked around this store with everything, and I mean everything. You want a boogie board? Neon swim trunks? A tube? Mini spoons? A three-in-one ice scream mixer, slicer, and juicer? And we acted ridiculous the whole time, like if the CH saw me there, he'd probably pretend not to know me. Did I say probably? I meant definitely. 

Anywho, did you know that Tzivie is an engaged woman??? Engaged as in gonna be married, not like engaged as in busy. 'Cause she's gonna be married. To a guy, even. We're so many exiteds about this!

So, of course I went to her vort, and it was so nice. We danced and even did a little practice shtiq (you know that's how you spell it). 

So, it's been awhile since your brain cells have gotten this much abuse, and you might be a little unused to it, so let's ease out of the craziness and talk about Shabbos. Like five of them. So there was the Shabbos and Bris in Modiin. I have a new nephew. My sister-in-law had a baby boy, so we went for the bris. It was such a nice Shabbos and such a nice simcha. 

Then there was Shabbos and Shavuos, which we spent in the Old City with the Wohgelanters (it starts with a W, I know that) and my in-laws. It was a stunning Yom Tov. I met quite a few people, stayed up very late Shavuos night hearing many different divrei Toirah and speeches from people, davened while looking at the Koisel, and just had a great time with everyone. 

Then there were two Shabboses spent at home, and those are boring, because the CH and I are just such boring people. No, really they were very many nices, and I even went to shul Shabbos night to meet people, but the people were all either like 12-year-olds or like 70-years-olds, and although I'm both a child and an old lady, I wasn't feeling like making friends that night. Nu, that's life. 

And then this past Shabbos was the Steinsy Shabbos. First time going to them in their new, snazzy apartment. And first time bringing the CH to them for Shabbos. Now, the CH might have been a bit fooled about how crazy I was...but no longer. He now knows my truly crazy side, that comes out whenever the Steinsies and I are together. Was he scared? Nervous? Confused? Maybe. I mean probably. I mean yes. But that's all okay, 'cause we had such a grand time. We read--well, tried to read but epically failed--Dr. Seuss in Hebrew. Dying in your toilet was only mentioned briefly, and the CH took the matter very seriously, discussing the whole machloikes and stuff. 

We did quite a few What Ifs, which sparked many a controversial conservation. And trivial pursuit was the game of the day, where everyone knew the most random, useless trivia--except for me. 

So, Shabbos was so nice. And then, just yesterday, my un-mom broke her toe. How? She fell off her bed. When I fall off my bed, I'll get a bruise or something, but no, my un-mom has to do things dramatically. So, now she has a broken toe. Pray for her. Thank you all. 

Now, let's here some strange snippets. The first is from someone never before featured on this blog, my dear oldest sister, Sister Sarah. 

She was at a Purim seudah, and a woman walked over to her table. The woman asked: "Is there a baby under your table? I think I lost my baby."

Can I just say that I'm glad I am not that woman's baby? Is that mean? Probably. Well, no one ever accused me of being nice. Or, as my un-dad would say, "No one ever stamped nice on my forehead," though he uses the word "adult" instead of nice. 

Then there was Shifra K: "I got my hair permanently straightened to get rid of the Brisker Payos."

And then Bayla H, in response to her teacher mispronouncing her name a Buh-Why-Luh: "The "y" is not its own entity."

Who even says that in high school? 

The above two snippets were said when I met my Maalois friends for a cute get-together last week. They gave me such a nice present, a door sign, and it was so nice to see everyone. We hung out and ate some ice cream, and it was so cute. 

Next to talk about is my nephew's siyum. He made a siyum on Mishna Moed, and he went through the 12 different Masechtos, and I understood 0% of what he was talking about. No, wait, I think I heard the word Shabbos once or twice. But it was such a nice siyum, and we're very proud of him!

I've done what everyone has feared for a long time: I started Ulpan. I know, I know, it's crazy. What has happened to me? I can't answer such things. But I have a very cute teacher, and our group is adorable. Everyone else is like married with 12 kids, and I'm chilling in my shana rishonaness, but it's all good. 

A few weeks ago, for an outing, the CH and I went on a scavenger hunt, and it was maybe the funniest thing in the world. Imagine this very serious Israeli dude running around Osher Ad like a chicken with his head cut off, looking for very important and serious items like a plum tomato that's smaller than your nose. I'm so evil sometimes. 

And now, to end off, Malta told me this crazy story of someone she knows--we'll call him Shaltiel--who had a broken engagement. And then Shaltiel's best friend--we'll call him Johnny--got engaged to that same girl. How awkward was that vort? And how awkward will that wedding be?

So, hope this made up for the lack of craziness this past month. Your brain cells are screaming at you to finish reading. So, I'll be nice to them and sign off. 

Toodles from Hoodles!