Giant Noses

There once was an extremely tired shark who was swimming in the Danube (for all those who don't know what the Danube is, it is one of the major bodies of water in Austria. For all those who don't know what Austria is, please get help and go back to 2nd grade). This shark was of a rare species, known by the scientific name of Barticus. Barticus, in Latin, means "has mono", taken from the roots Bartis, meaning "mono", and Cus, a suffix meaning "to have". 

And this shark swimming in the Danube lived up to his name. After having swum from the Atlantic ocean through frigid temperatures and stormy waters, he had finally made it to the Danube, where he wanted to rest. Not having slept for too many hours (or was it days), his tired eyes began to close and his body began to sink...and sink...and sink...and then Hudi felt the cold, hard plastic of the airport chairs beneath her. 

Yes, I was in Austria for a time. In the airport, to be precise. And I was quite a tired human bean. Believe it or not, it might have had a little less to do with my mono than the fact that I didn't sleep a wink on the flight there. 

Anyhow, I've started at the end of the journey. Let us rewind, back to when I was still in America. 

Pesach was happening. The house was hopping. And the Barts were happying. It was a lovely combination. 

The house was not as crowded as it had been first days, as some of my darling sisters and their families abandoned us. But never fear. The house was still crazy, loud, messy, and fun. 

With many lively and interesting discussions, an intense game of Apples to Apples, many not-so-intense games of bridge, food, food, and more food, the last days of Pesach were so many funs. 

It was a sad Motzei Shabbos. Yom Tov is always so hard to say goodbye to, and add three hours of cleaning up with no music and you've got a truly sad night. 

We had some fun scraping off two-sided tape of the counters with whatever tools we could find. A blow dryer, a pocket knife, toothpicks, a blowtorch, a chainsaw. Take your pick.  

And then it was Sunday. My grandparents and two more of my sisters left. It was quite sad to see them go, although they probably weren't as sad to leave me. Just kidding. I know they love me. 

Sunday was a very busy day. I had to go shopping, pack, do homework, deal with flight stuff, say good-bye to people, and eat as much chametz as humanly possible.

When I say shopping, I know what you're thinking: "Hudi, what happened to you? You hate shopping! Has Israel changed you that much? Have you finally become what we've all feared for years: a girl?!" Gasps all around.

But never fear, dear people. I went to get chocolate twizzlers. That's all. And get chocolate twizzler, I did. 7 packs, to be exact. But who's counting?

There are four things upon this world stands: Torah, Avodah, Gemilas Chasadim, and chocolate twizzlers. I know, I know, the second one doesn't seem to fit so well with the other three, but sometimes you've gotta stretch to make it work. So we'll stretch. 

Speaking of stretching, I woke up on Shabbos with a sore neck. Foolish, silly me thought it would go away by Sunday. Nope. By Monday, I thought for sure it would be better. Nope. So I flew with a sore neck. Have you ever flown 12 hours with a sore neck? I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy. Well, maybe I would. I don't know. It's debatable. Would I wish for my worst enemy to step on a lego? Probably not. That's just inhumane. So, I guess I wouldn't wish a sore neck on a 12-hour-flight on my nemesis either. Because it is terrible.

But I digress. I have gotten ahead of myself. We are still on Sunday, where I finished off the day with a fantastic Taboo game, some great singing lessons led by my brother Barrel, and a phone conservation with Shana Aleph. 

And then Monday was flight day #1. Starting off the day at 7:45 (or as I like to call it, the crack of dawn) with a swab up my nose was a pleasant beginning to a very long, tiring day. After my mother packed the entire pantry, fridge, and kitchen sink in a bag for me to eat, I was finished packing and ready to face flying yet again. 

I drove the airport with my father. We learned some Yeshaya, spoke about a variety of topics, and were highly unimpressed with the the many muches of traffic and road work. 

I got to the airport, checked in, then got back on line to save a place for Shana Aleph, who came a wee bit later than I did. I'm yekke. It's in my genes. I can't help it. I've tried. 

Check-in was smooth, as was passport control and security. While on line for security, we noticed this woman wearing literal unicorns on her feet. The shoes were bigger than my head. Pink and purple and more fluffy than a fur ball, they were quite the eye-catcher. 

And then the flying began. 

I don't like to dwell on unpleasant things, so I think it's safe to say three notable things about the flight: 1) I did not sleep a wink. 2) Someone on the plane was able to squeeze in between the seats and sleep on the floor. It was highly entertaining to watch. 3) I watched a documentary about sharks three times. And I would have watched it a fourth if not for the fact that my seatmate wanted to play crossword puzzles instead. 

So that was the first flight. Then we were in Vienna's airport for our 12-hour layover. We found some empty benches and rested for a bit (read: slept like babies) and then were woken up by some dude who liked us because we spoke Hebrew. He was from Egypt. 

Then we wandered around, sleep-deprived and dehydrated until we found some random couches. We set up camp there and spent the next hours dozing, talking, eating, drinking, playing games, and working. 

And then it was flight #2, which was a very pleasant journey. This time, we got real food. The first flight, we got omelets for dinner and an apple for breakfast. This flight, we got fish and rice and a yummy sponge cake. And I listened to some shiurim and slept. 

We landed at 12:45 am. It took us about an hour to disembark and get our luggage and corona tests. And then it was time to go back to the dorms. We got a nesher at 2 ish, and then we were off. 

Shana Aleph and I, despite being exhausted beyond belief, talked for a lot of the 2-hour ride home. We discussed Pesach and hashkafa, the ideal way to live, how to talk to family and friends, and the fact of how sharks are just really giant noses (because they're made of cartilage, just like noses). Which of those topics doesn't fit? 

We got back to the dorms at 4 ish, brought our luggage in, drank lots of water, and promptly went to sleep. 

And now, it's 4 pm, and I am just getting out of bed. I mean, I did get up earlier to daven, but I went back to sleep after. So, this post might not make any sense, as my brain is kind of foggy and loopy. But really what's new? That's always true. 

Anywho, hope all is good for everyone. Hope the PPTSD (Post Pesach Traumatic Stress Disorder) hasn't hit everyone hard. Lots of love from the Holy Land. 

Coconut says hi to everyone also. He is the giant shark that I stuffed in my suitcase. We call him Coco for short, but if he's misbehaving we use his full name. 

Isn't he a cutie?

Anyway, now I will go for real. 

Toodles from Hoodles!