Dad Jokes
The Dorky Daily by Judith Brett:
Hudi was sitting on her bed, laughing that awful laugh of hers, the one that caused those around her to question if she were laughing or choking or snorting or perhaps breathing obnoxiously loudly.
When her snorting laughs wouldn't stop, her father looked quizzically at her. "Is everything all right, daughter?"
"Yep, I'm fine," Hudi choked out in between bursts of laughter. "I'm just reading my old blog posts. I don't even remember writing half of this stuff. It's kinda funny."
And she went right on, reading her blog posts. The ones that she wrote. She was, in essence, laughing at herself for a good 15 minutes. Can you imagine anything more...dorky?
There are many things that you can take out of the above story, the most obvious one being that I'm a loser with waaaay too much time on my hands. But also, if you read carefully, notice that my father is mentioned. No, he's not in Israel. I'm in America, the home of the Bartsies and the land of the chocolate twizzlers.
But before I regale y'all with stories of airports and planes and funny dads, let me rewind.
Firstly, I forgot to mention the shaleshudis I spent with Shifra and Riki and Shani last week. It was really cute. We heard Riki's crazy story about the landlord who burst into their apartment at 11 pm at night. That was insane. You have to know Riki and the way she tells stories, 'cause the story she shared was terrifying but she was laughing her Riki laugh the whole time, so we all were cracking up, even though it wasn't a funny story.
Anywho, moving on. My flight to America was on Wednesday morning.
On Monday night, Avigayil and I sat and watched odes for hours, just dying with laughter. Guys writing poetry is maybe the funniest thing in the entire world. If you ever are having a hard day, let me know and I will send you these odes. They are so funny.
By Tuesday, I had done no packing whatsoever. At 1:45, I get a message from our dorm mother saying that the machsan would be open at 2:30. Remember, I hadn't started packing. So in 30 frantic minutes, I packed my entire life into suitcases and garbage bags, running like a chicken with its head cut off to make it to the open machsan. That was intense, but I did it. Somehow, with Hashem's help, all my stuff was packed away.
Then, the rest of Tuesday was open for me, 'cause I had already finished packing. I got out of the army, finally. I made a fool of myself and my lack of Hebrew like 20 times, but who cares? I will never see those people again, most probably. I hung out with Nava, went to the kois for Maariv, worked a bit, slept a bit, and then woke up for the day at 3 am. Isn't that lovely?
Checking in for my flight was kind of funny. For some reason, I was put down as hard-of-hearing. Not sure why that had happened. I was tempted to go along with it and maybe get some special attention for my supposed loss of hearing, but I decided against the falsity.
Got to the airport with plenty of time to spare. My yekke genes work great when I have to fly.
The check-in lines were pretty long, so we all were standing around in three different lines, even though there was only one check-in person. It's funny how that always happens. There was this dad and his three boys right behind me, and he was so funny. He kept on cracking these terrible dad jokes. I really value everyone's intelligence here, so I will not deign to repeat them. But we all were tired and cranky, so we all laughed. His kids were so embarrassed. They kept on complaining about the wait, so he said, "If you complain anymore, I'm gonna say some more dad jokes." Suddenly, for some inexplicable reason, his kids were silent.
The flight itself was fine. Listened to some shiurim and music, slept on and off, and that was it. There were a bunch on insanely tall people on the flight. Apparently, a basketball team was on our flight. I have no idea their names, nor the team they play for, but I am automatically cooler than you 'cause I saw some famous people.
I landed in Richmond at about 11:00 pm. I didn't realize how tired I was until my father and sister picked me up. I was rambling on about stuff and laughing for no apparent reason. I think they were tempted to fly me right back to Israel.
So, I'm back in Richmond. For Shabbos, my friend Azula came. She's the engaged one. We had a lot of fun exploring all that Richmond has to offer, which is pretty much nothing (sorry, Krispy Kreme. I forgot about you.). Spent a lot of time talking. I was deemed exactly like my father.
It was so nice to see her. I think she was the first friend not from Richmond to spend Shabbos at my house. I hope we didn't scare her off.
So, I've just been chillin' with the fam jam. Barrel and I went to get slurpies one night. We did 2 1000 piece puzzles yesterday. Clearly, we are very bored.
It's good here, down in Hicksville. Hope everyone's summers are going well. Feel free to come visit!
And now, before I end, let me post a very funny email that my friend Shana Aleph wrote. If it doesn't make sense to you, then clearly you don't have a very good sense of humor.
Hats off to you, my friend. Your beautiful rendition/performance of "Ah-Vee-Guy-Ull" (sung to the tune of Sponge-Bob-Square-Pants) has left me at a loss for words. Its lyrics are gut wrenchingly touching and poignantly honest; a careful expression that pulls at the heartstrings and inspires the soul. Not only are the lyrics moving, but for the public, who don't (yet) know Avigayil, the nostalgic tune reminds them of simpler times- before words such as "moed-bet" and "shidduchim" were commonplace in their lives- and brings tears to their eyes and healing to their weary hearts. Although, tragically, you weren't able to be there with us at its first public debut, I am happy to report that your piece was instantly voted to be the new official Theme Song of the Dorm, bringing us into a new era of Elul Semester and toppling "It's Hudi's Life" from its throne. Should you have any more bursts of Divine Inspiration (and Divine Assistance to turn aforementioned Divine Inspiration into fruition), please do not hesitate to send it my way, and I will dispense it to The People to dispel their sorrows and give them strength in these turbulent times of political unrest in the North-African countries and single-ply toilet paper in public bathrooms. I speak now for myself, as well as The People when I say: We cannot express our appreciation enough.
I know. I was in tears of laughter after reading this, as well. Hope you enjoyed!
Toodles from Hoodles!
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