Unicorn Rule

It's official: I'm going to change your life right now. If you want to continue having the same, boring life and routine, then stop reading. If you want to transform your life, then read on. 

It's time to introduce the amazing, the life-changing, the absolutely inspiring, never-written-down before, Unicorn Rule! 

Now, everyone and their cousin knows about the five-second rule. If food drops on the floor and stays there for more than five seconds, then all of the little germs on that floor congregate to that lone piece of food and contaminate it until it's no longer fit for human consumption. But I'm here to tell you that that rule is crazy. Five seconds is nothing. Unless you're superman or something, how can you even pick up food in that short amount of time? This rule is wasting food, pure baal tashlich, I tell you. 

And so, now, the Unicorn Rule comes into play. As my friend Shana Aleph so aptly told me, "You can eat the dropped food as long as a unicorn hasn't come and eaten it for you."

Do you see the gadlus of this idea? Food will no longer be callously thrown in the trash after a measly five seconds. A life-changer, I tell you. You'll thank me for this later. 

In other, slightly less life-transforming news, let's hear the Strange Snippets of the week. I warn you, some of them might be disturbing. As such, I will omit the speakers of such disturbing statements. Still want them to get married, you see. 

"I'm like an evil dictator eating my children." Want context? Although I don't think any context will make this less creepy and disturbing, I'll help you out a bit. The above line was said by a person who shall remain nameless, as she ate a bag of bamba with a knife (think of eating a lollipop, only the stick on the end is more sharp and can possibly kill a person), looking more than a little diabolical. 

Another very clever line was, "Let's eat drink and be merry tomorrow, for today we die." That one took me a second to get, but once I did, I was highly impressed. 

And the last quotable quote came from a friend who borrowed a skirt from me. After taking the skirt, she said, "You gave me the skirt off your back," which again, I thought was quite clever. 

Anywho, I went to the Steinsies this Shabbos. It was amazing, as always. Got into some interesting discussions about the parsha, which somehow led someone to wonder if the Mann were like drugs. There was definitely talk about dying in your toilet, and we even discovered that one can't die in their drink on Shabbos. 

It was a great, relaxing Shabbos, just what I needed to get through another week of procrastinating for finals. 

The rest of last week and this week was spent just studying for finals. I've cracked open my supply of chocolate twizzlers and am steadily going through 'em. What would I do without those heaven-sent gifts?

We took the dreaded Cal-Kill-Us final yesterday. I don't know if I passed or failed. I guess we'll see. 

Last Wednesday, we had a data structures final. In the middle of the test, our teacher--who happens to be one of my favorite people ever--comes around and gives everyone candy. It was so funny and so cute. Even if I don't pass that final, I think I'll be okay, because at least I'll get to have that professor again. 

I'm supposed to be studying for my next test, which is on Thursday, but I keep on procrastinating. It's so hard to sit and study for so long. Being an adult is terrible and ewey. 

After that mature statement, I will endeavor to redeem myself with something marginally more childish. A joke, if you will allow (courtesy of my father).

Knock knock.

Who's there? 

Interrupting Cow. 

Interrupting cow who?

With a bad sense of timing. 

Isn't that funny? I think so too. At least it's not the grammar joke. Be thankful for that. 

And now, I think I must go. Alas, it's been lovely speaking to you all. Have a good life. Remember the Unicorn Rule. 

Toodles from Hoodles!