Momly Men

Proceed with caution. Symptoms of reading this too much: loss of brain cells, migraines, headaches, groaning, rolling eyes, etc.

The Dorky Daily by Judith Brat:

The snow was falling quickly, sticking to hair and clothing but not the ground. Hudicus came down the steps, proudly wearing her hobo jacket. 

"Um, Huds? Does that thing keep you warm?" The question came from Shloims, fully bundled up in two coats, a sweater, gloves, a hat, a scarf, fuzzy socks, snow boots, and with an umbrella in hand. 

Hudicus would have normally quipped back with a witty reply, but she was tired that morning, so the retort was more like, "Um, Shloims, does your coat not keep you warm? I mean, does my coat keep me warm? I mean, do you wish your coat were a hobo jacket? I mean, hobo...coat...jacket...I mean...shnarkloobs..."

And that just proves that Hudicus is lying when she says that she's a morning person. But she's also not a night person. Hmmm. Maybe she's just not a person. 

Hudicus would have gladly braved the snowstorm (read: flurries) with just her hobo jacket for protection, except that every single friend congregated down in the lobby forced her to go back up the endless flights of stairs to grab a coat that she would wear for a whole 20 minutes the entire day. So, this is what Hudicus ended up looking like: her hobo jacket zipped up the entire way with a bulky coat zipped over that, so only the end of the hobo jacket could be seen. The coat had no hood, so her hobo jacket's hood was pulled over her head under her coat. 

I don't think I had ever seen anything so dorky. 

So, I hope this new segment was enjoyable, a little bit wacky (okay, a lota bit wacky), and enlightening. If you did not enjoy any part of the above article, please send your complaints to my secretary, Hoodie Bartenura. She is excellent at answering her phone and will take any complaints that you may have. I can't imagine how anyone could find fault with this masterpiece of 21st century literature, but I don't know. People are weirdos. 

So, this past Shabbos, I went to Neve. Nancy and I spent Shabbos together, which was so many cutes. I slept in her apartment, and we went out for the meals. It was quite cold over Shabbos, so walking to and from our meals was quite an experience. If I had a shekel every time either of us said, "It's so cold", I could quite college and become a garbageman. 

Besides for the frigid weather, Shabbos was so nice. We sang some songs, talked a lot, slept a lot, read a bit, had some deep conservations, heard Parshas Zachor, and ate great food. 

The above picture is the beautiful surprise I got this week. 

I get a phone call from a random number. Obviously, I don't pick up, and I hand off the phone to Shana Aleph. What a good secretary that girl is. She answers politely, "Hello. Who is this?"

She listens, then gets a weird look on her face and hands off the phone to me, whispering, "It's a guy."

I figured it was my husband calling, so I started talking. "Oh, hello Binyomin. Yes, you have a package for me. Oh, is it a present for our non-existent anniversary? Oh, thanks man." 

Most of that above sentence is true. It wasn't my husband, but a random guy did call and say he had a package for me. 

I thought it was the drugs I had ordered or maybe the shipment of weapons from the black market. But it was so much better than that. It was shaloch manos. From my parents. Thanks, Ema and Abba. My friends and I all enjoyed the delicious food that we didn't have to buy or make. 

My dira-mates and I had many an interesting moment this week. There was the discussion about manly moms, or momly men, or something to that effect. And yes, that conservation happened in public. And yes, that conversation was over ten minutes long. 

There was the rap. In class on Monday, our teacher played a rap about Purim, and Faeven just happened to know every single word. So I made Tzipporah and Tehila beatbox while Faeven rapped the whole thing. It was a great moment. 

Unfortunately, one of my dira-mates is a sicko, which is so many sads. Everyone, please daven that she should get better. And go to the doctor. 

Speaking of sicko-friend, a new side of Faeven came out when she super casually blackmailed said sicko-friend. Blackmail might be too strong of a word. I'll let you be the judges. 

(Important background info: sicko-friend's favorite food is chicken soup. This food fascination may or may not have been inspired by the song "This is the Best Song Ever MAAde in the World"...)

Faeven to Sicko-Friend (referred to as SF from here on out): "How do you feel about bribes?"

SF: "I wouldn't say I recommend them...?"

Faeven: "Well, I am going to make you chicken soup...!"

SF's eyes light up!: "Really?!?!"

Faeven: "...which you can only have after you've gone to the doctor."

AAAANNNNDD SCENE.

All in favor of of Faeven being charged for first degree manipulative blackmail say "Aye". (And then order chicken soup to Ben Tziyon 19, but make sure the hechsher is batatz, because SF is also SFF (Sicko Frum Friend).)

And now I should go listen to my teacher. I am so good at this school thing. 

Toodles from Hoodles!