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It's official: I'm going to change your life right now. If you want to continue having the same, boring life and routine, then stop reading. If you want to transform your life, then read on.  It's time to introduce the amazing, the life-changing, the absolutely inspiring, never-written-down before, Unicorn Rule !  Now, everyone and their cousin knows about the five-second rule. If food drops on the floor and stays there for more than five seconds, then all of the little germs on that floor congregate to that lone piece of food and contaminate it until it's no longer fit for human consumption. But I'm here to tell you that that rule is crazy. Five seconds is nothing. Unless you're superman or something, how can you even pick up food in that short amount of time? This rule is wasting food, pure baal tashlich, I tell you.  And so, now, the Unicorn Rule comes into play. As my friend Shana Aleph so aptly told me, "You can eat the dropped food as long as a unicor...

  "I can't lick my own nose!" This was said with great passion,  as if it were some great epiphany,  by my roomie as she ambled into the kitchen. I wanted to take a poll of all those who can lick their own noses, but I felt like that might have been a little mean. After all, it was on Tzivie's birfday that she said such a grand statement. Yes, she's now old and wise. They grow up so fast. Sniffle, sniffle. For her birfday, her sister D. Shparkus surprised her with some cake and balloons, which was just adorable in every way. And her parents got pizza for us all, which was even more adorable.  So, that was yesterday. Let us rewind to last week. The less said about finals, the better. I have tried in vain to come up with a word to describe these finals. The only word that can slightly do them justice is meannastyterribleimpossibleIhateeverysingleonedotheywantustofail???!!!! Last week was our first one, and tomorrow is our second. After that, it all just goes downhil...

So I find myself in a bit of a funny situation. For, you see, I had not planned on writing anything this week. I even told you all that. And yet, here I am, writing this week. So, I hope you all don't think I'm a bit fat liar, or even a small skinny liar, or even a medium-sized, medium-height liar. I'm not a liar, okay. Maybe I was one time once back then, but now I'm not. Honestly.  Glad we cleared up Hoodie's trust issues. Now, we can get to the fun stuff. Our Very Own Contest Winner: 😆😆😆😆 Hudi wants people to write her blog or is it ‘right’ her blog as in לתקן - to fix’ but forgive me I have Ulpan brain. And speaking of brains… er…um… what were we talking about? I walked to the refrigerator with my pen but why would a pen go in the refrigerator?! That would make it cold!! Thank you for asking, no, I’m warm thank you.  Wait? Let me reread what I wrote and I must have written because I have a cold pen.  Oh!! Hudi’s blog. (OPS) and I know you know that I kno...

There were twenty bags of bamba in my closet last week. I think there might be two left, if even that. The ants in our apartment must be getting pretty clever. Oh, who am I kidding? I think I ate five bags in one day.  Bamba is what's getting me through the week, well bamba and chocolate twizzlers of course. Oh, and my friends, I guess.  Guess what's upon me next week? The dreaded, most terrible experience of my life. The worstest thing that can happen to someone. Those terrible, horrible, no good, very bad tests. Finals. I shudder even to write the word, let alone speak it aloud. What sadist came up with the idea of finals worth 90% of your grade?  Anywho, you'll definitely be hearing about finals from me these next few weeks. Because they are so meeeeeean.  We should move onto happier topics now, or I might scream, and I'm currently in the library, and if I scream I would get kicked out, and that would be, although funny for everyone else involved, quite embarrassi...

Have you ever poured out corn kernels into the trashcan? But not just simply poured out kernels. No, it's not that easy. This pouring out includes the kernels being surrounded by this clear gloop, and as the kernels pour out of the can, they slide down this gloop like they're on the best waterslide of their lives.  Nope, neither have I. But you know who has? My friend, from here on out known as Tehillim. I walk into the kitchen and see her, wearing this slightly diabolical smile on  her face, as she pours the kernels out one by one, watching them slide down the mucus-looking gloop with a glee generally reserved for cute babies and chocolate twizzlers.  So, that was fun. Sorry for the slightly disgusting description. That was the only way I could do it justice.  Shabbos was so nice. I was in Modiin for the firstest time ever with family friends. They are vegetarian, so they got me chicken for the meal. I felt like I was corrupting the poor kids, eating my chicken righ...

A wise man once said, "Knowing you're a fool is a big step in life." I took that maxim to heart. It sunk in. It's there. It ain't going anywhere. I have taken that big jump in my life and discovered that, indeed, I am a fool. And I'm happy, ecstatic really, with that realization. For only once I came to this epiphany could I be truly content with never understanding C++ homework 9...and computer architecture  lecture...and integrals...and heaps...and MIPS...need I go on? And so, now, content with my fool lot in life, I will try my utmost to make all of you fools with me, killing off brain cells one step at a time, beginning with "Nerdy News." Reporter: "Hudi, what did you do that is Nerdy Newsworthy?" Hoodie: "Um, discovered that I'm a fool." Reporter: "Silly, Hudi. We all knew that a long time ago. Tell us something else." Hoodie: "Well, that just took all the steam out of my boat. Thanks for that. Anywho, movi...

  Shalom, y'all. It's gonna be a long one today. Get ready to lose even more brain cells.  And to begin the brain-cell loss, let's get right into it with a new segment I like to call "Strange Snippets." These quotes, usually overheard by my obnoxious eavesdropping, are now written down for your enjoyment.  We'll begin with my friend, Shloims, who proudly declared about the road: "It's fleeting like a...piece...of...potato!" And then she had this smug smile on her face after she spoke like she had said something incredibly intelligent.  Next up is another friend, who will remain nameless, who so eloquently stated, "I always slap the back of people's hands because I'm self-conscious about my clammy hands." Said friend also, to a brilliant observation made by yours truly ("I can see your face and you can't), replied, "What an odd flex." There's quite a popular saying: "No atheists in a fox hole." We...